How great...

Today was a long day, and I started off by reading Psalm 139 this morning, so motivated!  But by now, 11:30 pm, I find myself exhausted.  I am tired from traveling, and I am tired just by thinking of the next two weeks ahead of me with finals, on top of a broken heart, and stress with the idea of packing, studying, and surviving this cold (I know, I know, I have nothing to be complaining about).  But, you know, everyone has those days!  Psalms 139 has really spoken to me today.  It was kind of eye-opening, even though it wasn't a new concept to me.  Like when I was little I lived next door to a red house, and it wasn't until this past week that I realized the house was red.  Surely I knew it was red, but I had never noticed, it had never occurred to me.  Thats how Psalms 139 is.  I knew all these things that David tells us, but I never stopped to meditate on them.  The Psalm is long so I am only going to type out the parts of it that I found the strongest...

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely. 

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

See, whenever I have a really awful day, and I come back to my roommates or my sorority sisters and they ask how my day was I have this feeling like "uh you just wont 'get' it" because everything that happens has such a background, has such a specific affect on you and a unique reaction in your heart, and sometimes it is just to annoying to sit someone down and explain to them why everything was bad.  God knows, he knows every single feeling you have and every though you think, even before you have them.  God knows what you do, and what you will do, He created ME!  He made me who I am for a reason, all in His plan, and he knows me better than anyone.  How cool is that?  I am trying hard today to trust God, because His plan is greater than I can imagine and even though I am unaware of his plan for me, I have to trust it.  The Lord gave me this heart of mine for a reason. 

So now, after all this, I can easily rest tonight, because I know I have Him.  He understands me and loves me despite all things...How do I know His love?  Because of all he has done for me...but more on that later.  I will leave you with this, my favorite part of Psalms 139, Psalms 139:9-10. 

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
   if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me,
   your right hand will hold me fast.

-M

The Eve

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Well you may be asking yourself what I, a social, outgoing, happy and young girl, am doing at ten o'clock at night on the last Saturday of Thanksgiving break.  I am writing a blog.  This may seem boring but it is a lot more interesting than what I was doing earlier, which was crying.  You see, I have a problem.  But it is not as much as a problem, but an answer.  How is it an answer? Well you have to know the question.


How can I love the Lord more than I ever loved before? How can I become closer to him, and repay him for his grace, light, and love?


Lets start from the beginning.  Almost a year ago my best friend did a boy fast- a Matthew, Mark, Luke and John fast - and quit boys for a month, doing devotionals and turning to the most important guy in any girl's life - the Heavenly Father!  This has always inspired me to do something to test my faith and to push my faith further, to become a better Christian and to be a girl God is proud of!  I have been feeling far from God lately, like something is missing, and I feel like he is calling me to him, calling me to do something. 


Fast Forward. I love to love, and I love love.  I have had two boyfriends, and they have consumed my life for the past three years.  But neither worked out, which brings me to tonight.  I was sitting in my mom's bed, crying and feeling bad for myself when I had a thought:  What if I devoted all of the thoughts, energy, time and love that I devote to the guys in my life to God instead?  It makes sense, because my Lord is the most perfect man - He always listens, He always cares, He is never too busy and no problem is too small.  He always has an answer, a plan, and He sure loves me- He made me ME!  So, I am going to try to devote all of my energy that I usually use to talk to boys, text boys, flirt with boys, and think about boys (or as it may be, a certain boy), and channel it through devotionals, through psalms, through the Book, and through talking and praying to God!  God will never break my heart, and I do not want to break his.  It is a perfect task for me, a perfect time for me, and a perfect journey to take.


I have to figure out the rules that I will follow and how I will handle situations, but with God as my best friend, my guide, and my Lord, I am not afraid, not in the least bit.  So tonight is the eve of my new relationship with the Lord, my challenge to focus my time and energy into him and his vision.  So wish me luck and keep me in your prayers!


A Child's Prayer for Morning
Now, before I run to play, 
Let me not forget to pray
To God who kept me through the night
And waked me with the morning light. 
Help me, Lord, to love thee more
Than I ever loved before, 
In my work and in my play
Be thou with me through the day.
Amen.